Aug 31, 2014

Cosmetic Surgery - A debate with myself

Seriously considering plastic surgery #controversial  - This was the post I started writing last week. It's basically a debate with myself on getting a boob job.


I have pretty much always been against plastic surgery. Until I needed it.

In my teens I developed very early, I had really big boobs from the age of 13, especially big for my size six frame. I'm not going to lie, I loved it, I never felt conscious or shy about my body and wore low cut tops and triangle bikinis whenever I had the chance. Body image never even entered my head becausse I was happy with myself. In th eyes of the world I may not have had the perfect body, I had a pot belly but I really didn't care.

I thought girls that had boob jobs were greedy, self centred girls that wanted to be the centre of attention going from a smaller cup size to a massive one.
I never actually thought that those girls must be so insecure about their bodies that they would happily undergo surgery and be in a lot of pain to make that go away.
I now understand how crippling that image of yourself can be, the image of yourself that makes you want to hide under baggy t-shirts and avoid every mirror possible. Getting dressed in the dark or in the bathroom so that the person you are with doesn't see you.
I hate being like this, I want to feel sexy and comfortable in my own skin.
I have tried every single thing possible from full on regular gym workouts, healthy eating, training, creams and oils and new clothes and underwear and in the four years I have had my children, my body has looked so different it is hard to get used to.

Please don't get me wrong, I am more than grateful for my children, I love them more than life itself. They are worth every mark and bump and I truly mean that.
I never thought body image would affect me like this, I thought I was a better person than that.
I thought it would be enough to think 'I used to look great, I had a great body once, I don't need to look beautiful on the outside because I'm beautiful on the inside'

But I'm being honest and I don't feel like that. Not yet anyway.
I feel like I am sick of hiding my body away, dreading every summer, every pool day, trying on ANY clothing, not beng able to wear the clothes I want. Not feeling beautiful because I don't fit into that mould that we are meant to fit into. All because I had two beautiful babies that were both very big. That I am a tiny person and the amount my skin had to stretch was ridiculous, that my boobs went to a EE cup when I was pregnant and completely and utterly, for lack of a better word, deflated afterwards.

I feel that I'm 27 and I don't want to give up on myself and that I honestly think if I had a breast lift and enlargement I would feel 100% more confident but I would also feel disappointed with myself for putting my body through unneccessary trauma. And really it is quite a big thing to undergo surgery just to look better in the eyes of society.

I'm annoyed and shocked that I would ever think of doing this to myself. But it's something I have been weighing up over the last couple of years and seriously considered.

Maybe it isn't such a big deal, maybe I can be happy and healthy and be a good person and have nice boobs again too??

Or maybe I should just learn to love myself the way I am and be happy and grateful for what I have.
It kind of makes me angry that as a woman that's (relatively) intelligent, ambitious, hard working, independent I am made to feel like this because I don't have perky boobs.

The other day I was reading Vogue and halfway through there was an actual 6-8 page brochure for plastic surgery. Listing all the surgeons in Australia, photos of before and after breast surgery and tummy tucks and nose jobs.
I mean, that was quite offensive, it's like it was saying 'You are not as attractive as anyone in this magazine but heres the plastic surgery guide you need to be more attractive, like you should be'

Realistically (although I am a bit shallow and would kill for my old boobs back) I'm not getting a boob job because:

- I can't afford it and even if I could, it's money I could be spending on my family, a car, a holiday etc.
- There may be further complications which I also might not be able to afford
- The anasthaetic scares me
- Being in pain for weeks afterwards scares me
- I am not going to conform to how society wants me to look, or cut my skin for it anyway
- I can try natural boob enhancing things (I'm not eactly sure what, or if it will work but I'm an optimist ;) )
- I love myself for who I am (Well, I'll work on it anyway)
- Maybe if we all cared as much about saving the world and being better humans instead of endlessly trying to perfect our outer image the world would be a better place (Got a bit deep there, didn't I?)

*Cue Inspirational quotes...*

I would never judge anyone who has made the decision or going to make the decision to get a boob job, it is something I have seriously considered and can totally relate to the reasons why someone would do it. It is a personal choice that everyone has the right to. There are also hundreds of different reasons and situations why someone would need or want this and I am all for being free and doing what makes you happy as long as it's for the right reasons :)


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