Jul 26, 2016

Codeine makes me cry

Today was was emotional.

It started off well, with not a huge amount of pain, although I needed a panadol as soon as I woke up, but at least I didn't have to take any steroids this morning.
I had my hot bath and the kids and I got their lunchboxes ready. I felt well enough to get dressed and drop them off at School which made me think I could handle going to the shops as well.

Last night Oscar and I had stayed up looking at bedroom ideas for his new room on the internet, it was really cute and I wanted to surprise him with a new chair for his desk. He's finally got a room that can fit a desk so he can sit and do his homework.

So after the school drop off I went and got myself a hot chocolate and felt like a whole new woman. I was really craving spaghetti bolognese so I decided I would go and get Oscars chair and pick up dinner as well.

I plodded around the shops for a few hours at a nice slow pace, glad to be feeling like a normal human again. Then I started to get really tired and hungry. I went and bought a croissant and went back to the car, chuffed that I had managed to get the chair and the dinner. As soon as I ate the croissant though my stomach went crazy with awful cramps as I was driving.

I was in tears before I got home. Feeling seriously pissed off that I couldn't seem to do anything anymore without being in pain. I'd taken a couple of codeine yesterday and it's famous for making me an emotional wreck, so I know that's probably the cause of the emotions but when I got home, the cramps, the diarrhea, the pain continued and I had to stand under a hot shower whilst I waited for the panadol I swallowed at home to kick in.

I sat there on my knees balling my eyes out, one hand holding the shower over my back, thinking, is this my life now? Living between hot showers, never being able to eat anything without being in pain, so weak I can't even go to the supermarket for a couple of hours without being punished all afternoon by my body for it.

So codeine takes the pain away from my bones, but it makes me cry and cry and feel sorry for myself. Now this happens every single time I take codeine, it always makes me cry, which is why I usually avoid taking it. Sometimes it happens straight away, sometimes the next day, so I really should have expected this today.

I'd only managed to cook half the spaghetti bolognese before Craig had to finish it off, whilst I sat on the couch with three hot water bottles. Luckily I managed to eat it and it was pretty delicious. Half an hour later I had to run myself a hot bath because I could feel my back cramping up.

Whilst I had been at the shops I had stopped at LUSH because I had a gift voucher from some lovely people that I could use there and as I pretty much average 2-3 baths a day at the moment I decided to use it on some bath melts. The lady was really helpful, I swear they always employ the nicest people.

So at least when I got into my bath this afternoon I had some LUSH treats to choose from.


Sorry this is such a moany post, documenting it all helps me through it though and I might as well make these posts as real as possible. I'm sure there's lots of people out there going through the same thing and sometimes it's nice to just be honest and know you're not alone.

There's bound to be crappy days, there's bound to be emotions running high, it is what it is and even though it's sometimes hard, it only makes me stronger.


The kids had a birthday party after school so they came home with party treats and prizes, full of smiles and in high spirits, by which time I felt okay again.

Looking forward to a better day tomorrow, going to try and drink lots of healthy green juices and work on a canvas.


Love Hayley xx


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