Feb 8, 2017

Screw Miranda Devine and her article about bad mothers

Miranda Devine, bitchy Australian columnist, wrote an article entitled 'Don't let your career make you a bad mother', but how it actually read was 'If you have a job you're a selfish cow and a bad mother, get back to the kitchen where you belong' well at least that's how I interpreted it.

She goes on to say 'Young women increasingly are coerced into prioritising careers and becoming feminist warriors against the so-called gender wage gap of the patriarchy, with state-subsidised childcare as the carrot.
“Motherhood is under threat, as women are fooled into postponing their child-bearing years under the illusion that IVF can defeat nature’s clock. Ubiquitous mothering blogs focus on the mother at the expense of the child, teaching women that their worst failing is ‘putting everyone else first’ Movies such as Bad Moms celebrate selfishness.
I'd just like to say to Miranda, 
Where the hell do you think women get the money to pay for things like school uniforms (especially afterthe schoolkids bonus was cut last year) and do you know how much a school uniform for a year costs, even for a five year old child? Especially with the very strict uniform policies even the most basic state school insists on? Do you have any idea how much it costs to send kids on every single school excursion, incursion that they have to participate in? Are you aware of the amount of books a five year old child needs in grade one and what that costs? Do you have any idea how much it costs to feed a child every single day, especially if you want to provide them with three healthy nutritious meals a day, as well as all the fruit breaks and afternoon teas they require? That's not even covering swimming lessons, and any other after school activity they want to partake in. I don't need to list every single cost, we all know there's thousands more involved in providing a healthy, normal life for your children, in this country.
Then there's the men, are they expected to pay for everything, while you stay at home and clean and cook and beg for some housekeeping money? Is that really what is still expected of women? No Miranda it's not and I'll tell you why.
The constant costs from the government leave most families struggling to pay for basic things, not everyone has a husband that earns six figures, not everyone is with a man that can support three or more people off of one salary, not everyone has a husband, not every single mother has an ex partner that pays child support.
I have been in both position, a single stay-at-home mum with two babies, whose father didn't pay a cent of child support for three years. I didn't want to be labelled a bad mother or be away from my very young children, so I basically lived on nothing for those three years. My children were showered with love and  I think I did a pretty amazing job. You try supporting two kids off of centrelink payments and still providing them with organic food every damn day, walking a 5km round trip with a double pram, just to buy milk because you don't have a car.
I went back to work almost full time, when my kids were around 2.5 and 3.5 I put them in daycare so we didn't have to live on the breadline, my ex partner still didn't pay a cent in child support and I worked my ass off, building a career and establishing myself so that I wouldn't feel like a complete failure because of my lack of income, so my kids could have a great life, so we could have holidays, or at least pay my bills and hopefully clear my bad credit history. I'd drop them off at daycare and then I'd get home after a long bus ride, cook them dinner, bath them, read them stories and tuck them into clean bedding.
It took a couple of years to finally feel like I was on top of things and I was so proud when my kids would tell their friends 'my mum is an editor of a magazine'.
I now work from home and I'm in a position where I don't cry over money, I treasure my families health and happiness and I'm there for them as much as I can be, I can't afford to not go to work though. 
The no school kids bonus this year, financially hit me hard as well as lots of other parents and I'm still catching up on all those new year bills, whilst my partner works night shifts to pay the rent. 
We could quite easily give up on that, live in a crappy little house in a bad area, with no after school activities, feed them chocolate bars and fizzy drinks and chicken nuggets, but we actually want more for them than that. 
And last but not least, it's okay to go to work it's okay to LOVE your job, be blessed with a talent and show it off to the world, it's okay to be a PERSON as well as a mother. It's actually really great to be financially independent and for your kids to know that women can go after their dreams, women can have a fulfilling career and be inspiring people, amazing role models, talented, intelligent people with something to offer as well as being loving mothers.
Every woman has a different story, every woman has her own reasons why she has to work or why she wants to stay at home and to be honest it's always for the best interests of their child. There's stay-at-home mums at my kids school, who are amazing parents, and there's full time working mothers who are equally amazing. 
As far as this generation of mothers go I actually think it's one of the best yet, kids these days are eating healthier than ever, they are  given every opportunity to be what they want to be, they live in a beautiful country with amazing schools and daycare centres and their parents are under so much damn pressure to be good parents, when all they want to do is love their family, make sure they've got everything they need and live a happy life.


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