Jul 24, 2016

chemo update and life in general

 The last few days have been very slow paced and chilled out which is something I really struggle to do! I'm the type of person with a never ending to-do list, ideas buzzing around in my brain and I rarely sit still.

But I have had to slow down. The chemo has made my poor little bones ache beyond belief. They started getting sore around day 4, it felt like the flu at first, all over body aches and pains, in a dull annoying way. I should have taken some pain relief but me being me, not wanting to admit defeat struggled on waiting for it to go away. Unfortunately the aches didn't go away and the pain escalated on day 5 to unbearable, along with awful diarrhea (sorry but I've got to be honest!), cramps and muscle spasms.
I ended up having to pop a couple of codeine, lie in hot baths for most the day and when I wasn't in the bath, sit under a pile of hot water bottles. Which is where I remain, I'm sitting on the couch after barely moving all day, next to a packet of chocolate digestives.

I feel exhausted, which is only natural, the docetaxel drug and the injection they give you for your white blood cells are known to make you feel this way. Next time, I will just be a bit more prepared and take panadol when I feel the pains come on and keep taking over those few days.

Other than a horrible rash on my chest and back, which I'm guessing is just the toxins coming out in my skin, I've been good.

On the plus side, it's given me some much needed down time, to just sit and relax and not busy myself with other stuff. I've spent heaps of time with the kids, playing with them.
We had a family barbeque on Saturday with my Sister and her partner and their two kids, which was nice, the kids all play together nicely and it was a good distraction to not think about what's going on and just enjoy the day. It was Sunday that I felt awful and today I have just been recovering from that basically. I've also done a lot of drawing, which has been therapeutic and makes me feel like I'm doing something productive!


Luckily the kids are loving the new house so they're still exploring and playing in their new rooms, the garden and have even had a play date with the next door neighbour, as they have a little 5 year old girl too.

It's such a weird time, it really is. I feel like a look a complete state, with the rash, one breast, backache, I can't seem to tolerate having my lenses in so I'm constantly wearing glasses and my hair is so short, I feel like a different person when I look in the mirror. But I also don't have the energy to care about it too much, comfort and calm are my only goals at the moment!


Apart from drawing, watching season 4 of 'Orange is the new black' (which I am seriously struggling with - please recommend a good series to me and books, I need book recommendations!)
I've been dreaming of fun stuff, looking at holidays, looking at day trips, things I want to do, that kind of stuff and I'm grateful for all the help I have received, it's amazing being in the position that I can recover at home in peace and I truly am grateful for everyone who has mucked in and helped make this easier for me.

Marley and the kids have been giving me lots of extra cuddles too which is nice, hugs are definitely good for the soul. Matilda looked at me the other day and said 'you still look nice with your short hair Mummy' which was pretty cute too.


Hope you all had a great weekend, lots of love, Hayley xx

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