Jul 5, 2016


I left my last hospital appointment with the Doctors feeling mixed emotions.

I went in there with my mind made up, that I wouldn't be getting chemo. No thank you, I'm going to beat this without the use of invasive toxins, I know my body better than anyone and I have started meditating...

Then they talked me through this shitty thing that chose to take up residence in my body and fuck things up for a while.

The tumour they was triple positive, basically it has hormone receptors. Some tumours have one or two and mine has all bloody three. Greedy.
One of those is HER2 which means it's estrogen positive. These type of tumours (although it's been completely removed) are aggressive, which worries the Doctors.
Good news is that they have an amazing drug called Herceptin which stops you producing estrogen and stops the cells from dividing. It works really well.

Great! I said, give me the Herceptin. But they won't give me the Herceptin unless I agree to have chemo.

Then they gave me the talk about how my survival rate was only 64% if I didn't get the chemo/Herceptin combo, which increases my survival by 20-30%

I mean, I have no choice. Without the Herceptin it's very likely to come back and to be honest it's left me feeling pretty flat. I mean I feel fine now! The cancer is gone and I've lost a breast. I know that there's a chance there could be a rogue cell that could have escaped but I'm a cup half full kind of girl.

64% survival rate (meaning it won't come back within five years) seems like a high number to me. Especially combined with a healthy lifestyle, reduced stress and the meditation. But the words 'there's a 40% chance you'll be dead in five years if you don't do chemo' hit me pretty fucking hard.


So I signed my form for the chemo and the Herceptin. When that's finished I'll start radiation and then I'll go on Tamoxifen (cancer drugs to help with the other hormone receptors) for 10 years!!

It's a much longer road than I thought. But you know what, there's a long road. I'm going to be okay, I'm going to grow old and be there for my kids until they get old. I'm going to live an even more amazing life and tick off every damn thing on my bucket list. I'm going to appreciate every day even more, I'm going to love those close to me even harder, I'm going to love people in general even harder.

It's not the road I thought I was going down but I'm grateful there is all this treatment available for me. I will have to change my diet to be even healthier now, to be as strong as I possibly can be.

I was meant to be going back in to work today after my two week holiday (not exactly my dream holiday but that's what it was lol) but after my hospital appointment yesterday and my new schedule I decided it wasn't fair on them or for my family to be spending all my time between the hospital and my job. It wouldn't leave me much home time, to spend with my family or to get the rest that I need.

I love my job as an Editor, it's brought me a lot of experience in many aspects but I don't have much choice at this point if I want to be as strong and rested as I need to be.

It feels good, knowing I don't have to worry about showing up in my best clothes, with my 'work' hat on. I don't want to end up doing a half arsed job of and this way I can fully concentrate on my health and my family.

Money will be tight, it will be a huge adjustment for me to not have an income but I truly believe this is the right thing to do.

My sister set me up a go fund me account which is the only reason I can even contemplate this decision so I am unbelievably grateful for anyone who has donated. I will leave the link down below for anyone else who wants to donate, to relieve the financial pressure of the few months ahead.

As a woman, a Mum, a partner you can't help but feel guilty, I hate to rely on anyone especially when it comes to money but I also can't put a price on health.

Thank you avian for everyone who has been reading this blog, messaging me with kind words, donating and helping me out. One of the best things to come out of all this is renewed friendships, new friends, new connections and so much love

Hayley xxxx



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