Oct 3, 2016

Chemo Round 4 // Fatigue, tears, acne.....


Round 4 DONE!! Wooohooooooo, only 2 left!

I haven't blogged much recently, because I have been so damn tired. It's also kind of boring talking about chemo all the time. I'm bored of having it, I'm bored of taking about it and bored of writing about it....But I want to document them all and keep you guys in the loop too. So here goes....

As usual my sister came to my appointment with me and we brought a giant box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts because we basically love some of the nurses there. I've said it before but it makes such a huge difference when you have a lovely nurse looking after you.

Whilst I was having it done, towards the end when I was receiving my Carboplatin, my veins felt really cold and horrible, then when I was receiving herceptin we had to keep stopping every ten minutes because it felt like my vein were actually burning, it was so sore. My poor little veins are getting pretty tired of the chemo! Unfortunately all my 'big' veins are in my left arm and I can't have chemo in that side because I've had too many lymph nodes removed. Eventually they just slowed the speed down and I got there in the end.

Much like last time, I have been really tired. You know when you're pregnant and you're constantly exhausted and fantasising about naps? It's kind of how I feel right now, except without the healthy glow and thick head of hair and cute little bump! But it's weird, I feel quite similar to how I did when I was pregnant; Achy bones, heartburn and reflux and did I mention the tiredness?!

I had my chemo on Tuesday 21st and ever since then, I've basically been lieing down in bed, on the couch or in the bath or shuffling around the house very slowly. Which sounds fantastic I know. I used to dream of having the time to rest and relax but when you can't physically do anything else because moving is just too painful or exhausting, it's not as fun.

It's half term which is something I was really worried about, So far though it's been really good, the weather has been pretty rainy and miserable, which means I haven't felt guilty about sitting at home and watching movie after movie with the kids. It turns out they were pretty happy to chill and just hang out with Mum too. This term at School has been pretty busy and full on for them so it was actually a much needed break for all of us, without the pressure of school pick-ups and lunchboxes, homework and library bags!

They have had sleepovers at Grandmas, spending time baking with her and bringing delicious home for us too, which has also been much appreciated and there were a couple of times I managed to take them to the park for a little walk around and get some fresh air.

As usual, the few days after chemo seem like a bit of a blur. It's basically  sleeping, resting and trying to get on top of it and feel good again.

I think it was on day nine when I had my first real 'incident' where I was out and something happened. I had arranged to meet my sister at Mt Cootha, which is a really nice spot about 20 minutes away from home. I had been at my friends house in the morning and although I'd had breakfast and a few cups of tea, my head started really hurting. I had a mild nausea feeling throughout the previous three days where I felt queasy but not like I was actually going to throw up. As I was driving up the mountain to meet my sister, my vertigo kicked in (which sometimes happens when I go up high) my headache turned into a horrific migraine and I couldn't see out of my left eye. I had to pull the ca over in a layby to throw up and by this time I was sweating and shaking and to be honest pretty scared. I thought something really bad was happening to me. Craig rang me just at that moment and I was crying. He told me to wait there and before I knew it he and my Mum and my sister had come to pick me up and drive my car home.

That was probably the worst state I've been in since my first round of chemo and it really upset me. I felt awful they all had to come and collect me, especially as Craig had come straight off of a night shift, but so grateful that they did as there was no way I would have been able to drive home.

There have been days where I've felt okay and got up and done stuf with the kids for the day and then sat down on the couch and fallen asleep and Craig has had to pick me up and put me in bed because I'm that exhausted.

I am now 14 days in and am at the 'ugly' stage. Where my hair has half grown back and where my skin looks like that of a pubescent teenage boy, covered in painful acne. It feels like my skin is burnt and yesterday, the couple of times  I touched it, it actually bled. I'm just avoiding all contact with mirrors and staying home as I can't face putting make-up or a wig on right now and look too horrendous to want to go out in public.

 I don't feel like I'm in the chemo 'fog' at this stage, I feel completely normal other than being way more tired than the 'healthy' me and obviously the painful skin etc.

I've been super lazy this month, feeling a bit sorry for myself and have basically been eating anything I laid eyes on. I am gaining weight pretty fast!! And also the huge amount of sugary delicious delicious goodness I've been eating, although has made me feel wonderful when eating it and definitely very comforting, I think it's added to the feelings of tiredness, sugar crashes and feeling like crap. So for the last few days, instead of eating king size bars of Milkybar cookies and Cream, I've been having a few more green smoothies and more vegetables to balance it out.

So hopefully I will have a good week before next Tuesday for round five!!


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