May 7, 2017

Health/car/hair updates

Photography from a recent shoot with Penny Lonie Creative

After my stressful/emotional meltdown last week. (The week of the orange hair, my car breaking down on the highway and the scan that had me thinking I had bone cancer) this week has thankfully been a hell of a lot better.

If you're not familiar with what I'm going on about, I wrote a rather lengthy post about it over on my facebook page HERE.

So I'll start with the hair....

Basically when we were on holiday last week I had this great idea that I should bleach my hair blonde. My thinking was that, my hair will only be this short for a little while, I should have fun with it. I've always anted to go blonde and the blonde wig suited me...I will look really cool and edgy like Pink does....

Except it didn't look cool, it didn't look edgy, I looked like a hot MESS. It didn't even look like a human hair colour. Yes I know I should have gone to a hairdresser, yes I know (now) you shouldn't bleach your hair when there's traces of chemo in your hair and it will dramatically effect the colour it goes. But at the time (even though most people begged me not to do it) I charged on full steam ahead with the peroxide and the plastic gloves.

When it went orange and I mean fluoro orange I wasn't phased...I just bleached it again.
When it was still bright orange....I dyed it pink.
When it was still bright orange....I dyed it ash blonde.

And it looked okay (just okay) definitely not good, it stayed like that for a few days but it slowly got oranger and oranger as the days went on and every time I put gel on it, the bits with gel on it turned dark orange too.

Current hair sitch

I honestly had no choice but to dye it brown again. So all in all it was a complete waste of time, and energy and a huge embarrassment for two weeks. I had Craig and my best friend sending me pictures of David Bowie with his orange hair and Craig would also play 'slim shady' songs every time I walked into a room. But hey, you live and learn. And to be fair my friend was at least trying to help me with tips on what to do each stage of the hair colours!

So anyway I'm back to being brown and although I'm still pining for my long locks back, I'm happy with it for now.

The Car...

After the cars engine seized up, after months of breakdowns and problems I was basically in a huge panic about what the hell I was going to do. I mean I've just had 9 months off work! My business has been doing great but I haven't been in the position to do a huge amount of saving. Not enough to buy a new bloody car anyway. Especially when the old one just died, so I couldn't do a trade in, or even sell it for a low price. I was so sick of getting trapped in this awful car cycle, ploughing money into an old car, because it was cheaper to fix mine than buying a new one, only for the other one to die and then start from scratch again. It's literally been the story of my life for years and years. The only time I had any savings in my account and was on the right track for a getting a newer car was a few weeks before the c-word hit.

But, after a day or two of this happening, I calmed down. I'm actually getting quite good at seeing things from an outside point of view and noticing when I'm getting stressed and upset and just taking a step back and trusting that it will all work out. I was just grateful that even though the engine cut out in the middle of the highway with the kids in the back seat, we were all okay and we managed to pull over safely and get sorted out.

Craig came home with a little car for me, a car that I can use to pick the kids up in the meantime whilst I save up for that four door beautiful car I want so badly :) So the pressure is off, and the car is actually a huge improvement to mine anyway, it has nice cold aircon, an interior light and is pretty nice to drive.

The poor old Barina!

There was also some very special people that came forward and helped me out which I will be forever grateful for. I also held a massive sale over on my website and within a few days I had almost sold out of canvases, originals and lots of prints, so that has gone a huge way to helping me kick-start savings for the new car.
If you are one of the people who purchased something in the sale, thank you so much, there was lots of happy dances going on last week.

If you'd like to check out my website for new work available and some work that's still on sale, check out

After suffering with extreme pain in my ribs for weeks and weeks, I began to convince myself that my original cancer had spread to my bones. It is notorious for breast cancer to spread to the bone and the chest wall and ribs are usually the first place it goes. In the days before my x-ray I began to really believe the worst. I was a nervous wreck. On the dayof the x-ray they gave me the films and told me they'd have the results within 4 hours. I looked at the films and googled 'bone cancer on x-ray' images and things like that. The thing that scared me was the area on my rib that was in pain, was highlighted on the x-ray film with a circle and arrows. I saw this and thought 'that's it' I could not think of any other explanation and tried to brace myself for the worst news.

The x-ray came back clear. There was no sign of any cancer and the ominous highlighted area was in fact a metal surgical clip thathad been left in there during the operation. Not accidentally or anything but they're used quite often apparently to close blood vessels. So...although it creeps me out a little, knowing that it's there (and consequently aggravating my nerves and casing pain!) I'm so relieved that that's all it is!!

I guess that now, anytime I have any pain or weird symptoms, my natural thought is going to go straight to 'that' but at least I'll be addressing the problem, whatever it is, quickly. Where as before, I would do anything to get out of going to the Doctors. I guess it's part and parcel of having been through something like this. I've never held such importance over health as I do now. Health really is everything. And while sometimes it gets me down, the way I have to think about things now, how my life will never be the same again, how every decision I make, from taking tablets to what I eat affects me so profoundly, those moments are few compared to the gift of life that I got.

I'll probably always be paranoid about it on some level, I still feel weird that this happened to me, it has affected absolutely every part of my thoughts and my life, even all these months after finishing chemo. But there's no point running from fear, you have to get on with it and every day that's what I'm trying to do. Trying to heal from the damage the chemo did to me, try and heal my mind from the trauma of it all and the best way to do that? Is practise gratitude.

Gratitude is the quickest way to remind yourself of all the great things you have got, to be mindful of what's going on around you and to feel happy again. It's a constant learning curve and I guess all you can do is go along with it. The ebbs and flows of this life and realise that you can't control outside circumstances, but you can control your reaction to it and the way you deal with things.

-Matilda had her first ballet lesson (since she was 3) this week and my heart exploded with pride
-Oscar is receiving an award at school for getting 100% on his weekly spelling tests all year, again, exploding with pride
-I am obsessed with the netflix series about Sophia Amoruso 'Girlboss' have you seen it?

Girlboss - by Me, come follow me on instagram for more shiz like this :)

A painting I finished this morning 'Angel Light' Oil on canvas 45x45x5cm $199

Thanks for listening, love Hayley xx


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